Forget Happiness - Here’s What You Really Need

During my recovery from burnout, I spent an enormous amount of time chasing happiness. I devoured countless books, tried every method under the sun, and followed advice from “experts” who claimed to have unlocked the secret to lasting joy. Yet no matter how hard I searched or what I tried, something always felt missing. It’s only now, looking back, that I understand why: happiness isn’t the right goal.

I know that might sound strange—what do you mean you don’t want to be happy? Isn’t happiness the ultimate aim in life, the pinnacle of well-being we’re all striving for? Let me explain.

If you look up “happiness” in a dictionary, it’s often described as “a state of well-being and contentment, characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment.” It sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want to feel joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment all the time? But now, imagine feeling that way all the time. Wouldn’t it start to feel flat? A constant, unchanging state of contentment might sound good in theory, but where’s the excitement? The growth? The challenge? The pulse of life?

Happiness, as it’s often sold to us, is static—a steady hum of pleasantness. But life isn’t static. Life is dynamic, unpredictable, and messy. How can the constant pursuit of “happiness” truly serve us when it denies the richness and complexity of what it means to be alive?

Here’s the problem: the search for happiness is often driven by external influences rather than internal truths. Society, social media, and advertising bombard us with messages that happiness can be found in possessions, achievements, or a perfectly curated lifestyle. “Buy this, achieve that, look like this, and you’ll be happy.” And we fall for it. I know I did.

But the reality is, these external markers don’t create lasting happiness. At best, they give us fleeting moments of joy before the familiar longing returns. That’s because the pursuit of happiness, as it’s commonly framed, is a hoax—a goal that promises fulfillment but never delivers because it’s rooted in chasing something outside of ourselves.

What if, instead of striving for happiness, we aimed for something else? Something richer, deeper, and more in tune with the ebb and flow of life? What if life felt like this: a state of being fully engaged, vibrant, and present, with a heightened sense of energy and connection to life. Now that, to me, feels more authentic. More real. This is what I call aliveness.

Unlike happiness, aliveness isn’t about maintaining a static state of contentment. It’s about being fully present in whatever the moment brings—whether that’s joy, excitement, challenge, or even pain. It’s about feeling deeply, embracing the highs and lows, and being connected to the raw, unfiltered experience of living.

When you pursue aliveness, you’re not chasing something external. Instead, you’re cultivating an internal vibrancy that allows you to engage with life as it is—not as you wish it to be. Aliveness gives you permission to feel everything, not just the “good” emotions. It invites you to grow, to explore, to fail, and to thrive.

For me, aliveness can be summed up in a formula: A = B × C × D². It’s my way of understanding how the different aspects of life come together to create that vibrant, dynamic feeling of being truly alive. This isn’t just about theory—it’s about capturing the energy and connection that make life feel full and meaningful.

At its core, aliveness builds on a baseline (B), which anchors who we are and our inherent capacity for energy and engagement. This is multiplied by the conditions (C) we cultivate around us—the environment, health, and relationships that either support or detract from our vitality.

But here’s where the magic lies: it’s the decisions (D) we make every day that truly amplify aliveness. Not just once, but squared—because decisions compound. They have the power to transform the mundane into the extraordinary, to turn potential into presence, and to create momentum that propels us forward.

This formula isn’t about chasing perfection; it’s about embracing life fully. By paying attention to the factors that contribute to aliveness, we can create a life that’s not just lived, but truly felt. Let’s unpack each part of the equation and explore how it shapes our experience of being alive.

Letting go of the pursuit of happiness may seem counterintuitive, but for me, it was freeing. It allowed me to stop chasing an unattainable ideal and start living in a way that felt true to myself. Aliveness is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes uncomfortable—but it’s also vibrant, thrilling, and deeply meaningful. So, if you’ve been searching for happiness and feel like something’s missing, ask yourself: what would it feel like to live fully alive instead? It might just change everything.

Starting this week, I’m launching a three-part blog series that delves into the concept of aliveness and unpacks each element of the equation in detail. Together, we’ll explore how your baseline, conditions, and decisions interact to create a life that feels vibrant, dynamic, and deeply connected. Whether you’re curious about how to cultivate more energy, navigate life’s challenges with purpose, or tap into a deeper sense of engagement, this series is for you.

Subscribe to follow along and take the first step toward redefining what it means to truly live. If you’re ready for a more personal and tailored experience, you can also sign up for an individual session and begin your own journey toward aliveness. Let’s take this next step together.