Can You Change? Or Is This Just Who You Are?

Have you ever wondered if you can truly change—or even if you should? Sometimes we tell ourselves, This is just who I am. But is that powerful? Or is it an excuse? If I’m honest, when I’ve thought this way, it’s often been a way to avoid hard truths. The reality is, we can change. We do change. It’s just that sometimes, it’s really, really hard.

Why Change?

Let’s start with the big question—why should we change? For many, it begins with unhappiness. Maybe there’s a habit or behavior holding you back, something you recognize but struggle to address. Perhaps you even cringe when you think about it, knowing it doesn’t align with the person you want to be. Recognizing the need to change is the easy part. It’s the doing that feels like climbing Everest.

But change isn’t always about fixing something broken. Sometimes, life is good. Maybe you’re living your version of success, right on the edge of achieving everything you’ve worked for. So, why change? Because growth is the key to reaching new heights. To move forward, we need to stretch ourselves, evolve, and build on what we already are. Success isn’t about standing still—it’s about becoming more.

And then, of course, there are those who simply don’t want to change. That’s okay, too. My grandmother comes to mind—a wonderful woman who lived a full, happy life and passed away surrounded by her family. She didn’t feel the need to change, and that was fine. If you’re in that place, this blog might not be for you. But if you ever decide you’re ready, it will be here. And so will I.

What Does Real Change Require?

Change requires one thing: hard work. It sounds simple, but we all know it’s anything but. Often, big changes follow big incidents. My dad is a recovering alcoholic. For him, it took hitting rock bottom to find the strength to change his life. And even then, it required immense daily effort—and still does. He didn’t just change; he transformed.

For my dad, change came through the 12-step program by Alcoholics Anonymous. Step 1—“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable”—was his breakthrough. It’s the power of acceptance. But here’s the thing: you don’t need to hit rock bottom to change. What rock bottom gives you is a why. And that’s the key.

Finding Your Why

Your why is the key that unlocks the door to change. Without it, progress is almost impossible. So, find your reason. Clarify it. Write it on sticky notes and scatter them around your house. Say it out loud every morning. Whatever it takes—hold on to it, because the road ahead won’t be easy.

Once your why is clear, the real work begins. Change takes consistency, and consistency takes support. Reach out to friends, family, or people who’ve gone through similar transformations. Share your journey. Knowing others are there to catch you when you fall makes it easier to keep going.

Forgive yourself for the past and the way it’s held you back. Research your goal, learn all you can, and use that knowledge to refine your efforts. Finally, live the change. Act as if you’re already the person you want to become. It might feel fake at first, but it’s a powerful way to trick your brain into adapting. And remember to be kind to yourself. You’ll stumble. That’s okay. What matters is getting back up and trying again.

My Own Journey

Right now, I’m working on changing my diet. The sailing trip was incredible, but exercising on a boat is tricky, and let’s just say Caribbean food didn’t help my waistline. My goal is modest: drop a few kilos over the next few months. I know what I need to do—eat healthy, exercise—but for me, it’s about avoiding late-night sweets. Simple, right? But here’s the thing: my why wasn’t clear.

At first, I told myself it was about health. Then I pushed it further: I want to be better on my bike next summer (Swiss hills are unforgiving with extra weight). But even now, I can see my why isn’t clear enough. The struggle with evening snacking isn’t just about food—it’s about something deeper. When the kids are in bed and the house is quiet, there’s this small, hollow feeling. And instead of addressing it, I mask it with comfort food. Nothing dramatic—just a chocolate bar or some biscuits—but while it helps in the moment, the feeling lingers.

Writing this is hard. Confronting it is harder. I know addressing this will take time, support from others, and a stronger why. But I’m building up to it.

If this resonates with you, know you’re not alone. Whether it’s food, habits, or something else entirely, there’s help out there. Therapy helps. Talking helps. Don’t face it alone.

The Transformation Process

Change is never straightforward, and my journey is a testament to how messy and challenging it can feel. It reminds me of the transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly. I used to think it was simple: the caterpillar builds a cozy cocoon, rests for a while, and emerges as a beautiful butterfly. But the truth is far more complex—and far more powerful.

Inside the cocoon, the caterpillar dissolves itself into a kind of organized soup. It breaks down entirely before rebuilding its new body—wings, legs, and all. That’s what real change feels like. It’s not pretty. It’s messy, disorienting, and sometimes painful. But on the other side is something extraordinary—a version of yourself you’ve never seen before.

Closing Thoughts

Change is hard, but it’s possible. It requires work, courage, and a clear why. Whether it’s something small, like tweaking a habit, or something big, like transforming your life, the process is worth it. And remember, even when it feels impossible, you’re never alone. Take it one step at a time, and eventually, you’ll spread your wings.

Are you ready to start your transformation? Let’s talk.